i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
