I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
operation have a gay friend backfired
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
