I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
