yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
