I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
