i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
