totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
