well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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