If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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