I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
