I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
