I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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