So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ttyl tear gas
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
