I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize