life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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