Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
