So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
