I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We just shotgunned beers for America
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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