is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
