So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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