Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
