take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
