So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
