Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
