And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
