I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
