I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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