walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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