I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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