I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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