A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
