I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize