My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
people are starting to question the shark bite story
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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