Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
