Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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