i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
