Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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