belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
