Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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