he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
