I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
