No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
