Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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