we have pet lesbian snakes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
