my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
