Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
