Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Alive.
So much puke
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
