cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
