next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
