yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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