garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize