Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
