I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
