why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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