I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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