I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
