There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I could fuck to npr.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
