so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
