Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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