Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
