Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He? As in you personified your dick?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
