I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
whose parrot is this?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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