i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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