I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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