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• (949): View more from California

  the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach

  (1-949): View more from California

  um or while having sex on a train

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.

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• (562): View more from California

  Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up

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• (805): View more from California

  100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  family traditions my good sir

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?

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• (323): View more from California

  He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  YOUTHS.

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• (831): View more from California

  Yep, you're going to hell.

  (1-831): View more from California

  I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.

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