i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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