As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
