i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
