Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
