so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
