I've blown a few things in my day
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
