I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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